What is Polyamory? Polyamory 101 & 5 Books to Get You Started


What is Polyamory?

Hello, beautiful creatures! In today’s alternative lifestyle video, we dive into the enchanting world of What is Polyamory! I’m here to unravel the mystery of what Polyamory truly is, explore various forms it can take, and discuss some key terms that you might come across. Plus, I’ve curated a list of the top five books that are perfect for anyone starting their journey into Polyamory. But that’s not all—I’ll also guide you on which sources might be better left unexplored.

To make sure you’re getting the most out of your exploration, I’ll be recommending my all-time favorite YouTube channels and podcasts that shine a light on this topic. So, get ready to embark on this exciting adventure with me!

What is Polyamory? Video

If you prefer to watch things with closed captioning, the way I do, head over to watch this video on YouTube.

What exactly is Polyamory?

What is Polyamory? Polyamory, sometimes shortened to polyam, It is having multiple romantic relationships at the same time where everyone knows about them and agrees with them. It is not cheating. It is not swinging.

Can Polyamory Work?

Polyamorous relationships can thrive when everyone involved is honest about their needs and communicates them clearly. I personally find it challenging to be happy in a polyamorous setup with individuals who are passive-aggressive and fail to express their needs or consider mine.

What is the difference between Polyamory and monogamy?

Polyamory involves engaging in multiple romantic relationships simultaneously, whereas monogamy entails having a single romantic relationship at a time.

What is the difference between Polyamory and ethical non-monogamy?

Ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term. Polyam is a type of ethical non-monogamy.

What is the difference between Polyamory and swinging?

Polyamory emphasizes love and emotional connections. Swinging is generally viewed as a primarily sexual practice and represents another form of non-monogamy.

What is Polyamory vs. Polygamy?

Polyamory involves maintaining multiple romantic relationships simultaneously, which is not for everyone. Polygamy refers to having multiple spouses. Polygyny denotes a relationship structure with multiple wives. Polyandry refers to a relationship involving multiple husbands.

How does Polyamory work?

As I go to great detail in the video, there are many different ways to have a consensual non monogamous relationship. I have a preference for kitchen table style Polyamory. I like to know my metamours and spend time with them, in addition to my romantic partners.

What’s KTP in Polyamory?

KTP is an acronym for Kitchen Table Polyamory, which is my favorite type of ethical non monogamy. It’s where you deliberately nurture a cozy environment for your partners, and their partners are often called metamours.

What is a Meta or Metamour?

A metamour, sometimes shortened to meta, is the partner of your romantic partner, who you are not romantically involved with.

What is a V or Hinge?

A V or Hinge relationship is where you have 1 person romantically involved with 2 other people, and those 2 other people are not romantically involved with each other.

What is a unicorn?

A Unicorn is often referred to as a ‘hot bisexual babe.’ Usually Unicorns are sought after by couples and they’re fetishized. You can read more about unicorns at Unicorns-R-Us.

What is a dragon?

A Dragon is often referred to as a ‘hot bisexual dude.’ They can also be fetishized like Unicorns.

What about triads?

Triads, trios, or sometimes referred to as throuples (a term I’m not particularly fond of), are frequently depicted on TV as idealized forms of non-monogamous relationships. They are one of my favorite types of non-monogamous relationships. The key distinction between a triad and a Unicorn Hunter duo with a Unicorn or Dragon lies in the treatment of the individuals. In a triad, each partner is treated equitably, whereas in Unicorn Hunting, the third partner is often fetishized and not given the same considerations as the couple.

What is NRE?

NRE, which stands for New Relationship Energy, is the ‘rose colored glasses’ you often get when you start a new relationship. You’re heady from your body’s chemical reaction to the new person and it clouds your judgment. You might call this period the honeymoon period of a relationship. Read more about it at Psychology Today.

What is the best polyamory dating site or app?

Most people I know overwhelmingly recommend OkCupid as the best polyamory dating site. OkCupid is where I met a good chunk of my friends here in Florida, so I can confirm it can be helpful in some areas of the country.

Unfortunately, OkCupid dumbed down their matching algorithm to make it easier to match with more people, thus making it far less helpful, in my opinion. I met previous girlfriends via OkCupid over a decade ago. At that moment in time, if I matched with someone over 90%, we were likely to be compatible.

These days, it’s a crapshoot. I’ve found that if you’re on a dating site and someone doesn’t want to talk politics, they’re probably conservative and not going to be a match for me. It does have excellent filters so that if you don’t want straight people to see your profile, for example, you can make that happen.

In addition to OkCupid, there’s PolyMatchMaker. However, the site doesn’t have a massive user base. It doesn’t have a great search or sort features. And no matter what you say you’re interested in on that site, you still end up getting messages from people who are not what you’re looking for. Additionally, they don’t have a way to temporarily deactivate your account if you want to take a break, so they’re missing a lot of features. I haven’t tried it since 2021.

There’s also the Feeld app, which is a dating app for couples and singles. You can also try Bumble. They recently updated Bumble so that women no longer have to make the first move.

But honestly, in my experience, I’ve done the best using OkCupid (before they dumbed down their matching) and meeting people organically in person at events. I prefer to meet people organically in person over trying to meet on dating apps. The new algorithms are meant to frustrate you and make you pay money, not to match you with a person.

The 5 Best Books to Start With

Polyamory 101Polyamory 101

Here are my recommendations for the 5 best Polyamory books to start with. In the video I include a suggested reading order.

YouTube Channels I Recommend

Below are the YouTube channels I recommend for learning more about Polyamory from, though as I touch on in the video, these sources are all kink / BDSM friendly.

Podcasts I Recommend

These are the two Polyamory podcasts that I recently started listening to.

Final Thoughts on Polyam

Cordelia talks about PolyamCordelia talks about Polyam

I wanted to leave you with some final thoughts. I don’t believe that polyamory is superior to monogamy, although I’ve heard many argue that it is. I simply know that it works for me. These insights come from my over three decades of experience living a polyamorous lifestyle.

It blows my mind that Newsweek reported that 1 in 9 people have tried polyamory and 1 in 6 are interested. I would not have guessed interest in it was so high!

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